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Introduction

I recently taught a class on folk narrative at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. The class included a unit on the folk humor evoked by disasters such as the space shuttle explosion of 1986 and, of course, 9/11. For a somewhat dated introduction to 9/11 humor from a folklorist's perspective, see Bill Ellis's "Making a Big Apple Crumble" : http://www.temple.edu/isllc/newfolk/bigapple/bigapple1.html (Note that every sentence in Ellis's first paragraph, which summarizes the official account of 9/11, now reads like a bad joke.)

Ellis notes that 9/11 shocked would-be jokesters into a "latency period" during which no 9/11 jokes were tolerated. Gradually the shock wore off, and the usual disaster jokes began to spread.

Today, the growing awareness that 9/11 was an inside job has shocked people into over-seriousness, paranoia, or, most commonly, silence and repression. We are still in a 9/11 truth latency period. Just as most people were shocked into confused silence during the first few months, they are now too dumbfounded to deal with the fact that their own government, or high officials thereof, orchestrated the attacks.

One way to cope with horror is through humor. Two notable efforts at desublimation through 9/11 humor are the Deception Dollar: http://www.peaceproject.com/dollars/dollar.htm and Mondo Terror: http://mujca.com/mondoterror.htm Also, don't miss the wise words of MUJCA endorser Swami Beyondanonda: http://www.wakeuplaughing.com/
 
But seriously folks, MUJCA-NET is now launching a new project: The Official 9/11 Truth Joke Book. Please feel free to contribute jokes by emailing kevin@mujca.com  Please note that by contributing jokes, you are giving us permission to publish them and to give you credit for contributing them. (We can withhold credit on request.)
 

BOOKER ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

George Bush returns to Booker Elementary School to talk to the kids to get a little PR. After his talk he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name.

"Stanley," responds the little boy.

"And what is your question, Stanley?"

"I have three questions. First, why are you President when Al Gore and John Kerry got more votes? Second, why did you just keep reading that book about pet goats? And third, why was Cheney there holding your hand and the Commissioners weren’t allowed to take notes?"

Just then, the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right: Question time. Who has a question?"

Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him his name.

"Bobby," he responds.

"And what is your question, Bobby?"

"Actually, I have five questions. Why are you President when Al Gore and John Kerry got more votes? Second, why did you just keep reading that book about pet goats? Third, why was Cheney there holding your
hand and the Commissioners weren’t allowed to take notes? Fourth, why did the recess bell go off twenty minutes early? And fifth, what the hell happened to Stanley?"

* * *
VOTER IQ

A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender.  The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, "What's your IQ?"  The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, evidence against the official version of 9/11, biomimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nano-technology, and sexual proclivities of Amazon Basin tribes.
 
The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He decides to test the robot.  He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink.  Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man responds, "about a 100."  Immediately the robot starts talking about football, trucks, NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods, guns, and women's breasts.
 
Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He goes out and returns, the robot serves him the drink and asks, "What's your IQ?"   The man replies, "Er, 50, I think." And the robot says, real slowly, "So....ya gonna vote for Bush again?"

* * *

BUSH IS A SAINT

President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit the Methodist church outside Washington, DC as part of his campaign.  Bush's campaign manager made a visit to the Bishop, and said to him, "We've been getting a lot of bad publicity among Methodists because of Bush's position on stem cell research and the like. We'd gladly make a contribution to the church of $100,000 if during your sermon you'd say the President is a saint."

The Bishop thinks it over for a few moments and finally says, "The Church is in desperate need of funds and I will agree to do it."

Bush pompously shows up looking especially smug today and as the sermon progresses the Bishop begins his homily: "George Bush is petty, a self-absorbed hypocrite and a nitwit. He is a liar, a cheat, a bully, and a low-intelligence weasel. He was a drunken cokehead for most of his adult life, and he had Rove scrub his cocaine arrest story by setting up and destroying the journalist who reported it, the late Jim Hatfield. He has lied about his military record and had the gall to dress up in a flight suit landing on a carrier posing before a banner stating 'Mission Accomplished.' Worst of all, he let his cabinet neocons and covert operators murder almost 3,000 Americans on 9/11 so he could invade two countries for oil and money—and he’s been lying about it ever since. He is the worst example of a Methodist I've ever personally known. But compared to Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Paul Wolfowitz, Richard Pearle, Doug Feith, Scooter Libby, and the other neocons, George Bush is a saint." 

* * *

911 TRUTH

A man turned to the woman seated next to him on an airplane and said, “What’s that book you’re reading?”

“The New Pearl Harbor by David Ray Griffin.”

“What’s it about?”

“It’s about how the Bush Administration orchestrated the 9/11 attacks so they could invade the Middle East.”

The man’s jaw dropped, his face slowly turned red, and he said “That’s so ridiculous it’s not even worth discussing.” Silence.

The woman said, "Okay, then. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the man. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," the woman said, "How is it that you think you know what happened on 9/11 when you don't know shit?”

 * * *

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are flying on Air Force One. The President looks at the Vice President, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $1,000.00 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy."

The Vice President shrugs and says, "Well, I could throw ten $100.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."

Not to be out done, the Secretary of Defense says, "Of course, I could throw one-hundred $10.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."
 
The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, "Hell, I could throw all three of those 9/11 criminals out the window and make six billion people happy"

* * *
PERP TRIP UP

Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney and George W. Bush are court-martialed for 9/11 high crimes and dragged before a firing squad. Donald Rumsfeld is first placed against the wall, and just before the order to shoot him is given, he yells, "Earthquake!" The firing squad falls into a panic and Rumsfeld jumps over the wall and escapes in the confusion.

Dick Cheney is the second one placed against the wall.  The squad is reassembled and Dick ponders what his old pal Rummy has done. Before the order to shoot is given, Cheney yells, "Tornado!"  Again the squad falls apart and Cheney slips over the wall.

The last person, George W. Bush, is placed against the wall. He is thinking, "I see the pattern here, just scream out a disaster and hop over the wall." As the firing squad is reassembled and the rifles raised in his direction, he grins his famous grin and yells, "Fire!"

* * *

BLAIR AND BUSH

On his trip to Great Britain, George Bush had a meeting with Queen Elizabeth. His smirk looked more like a grimace as he told her:

"I'm in deep doo-doo over 9/11—we’re heading for a Constitutional crisis and treason trials. But you folks over here, you have been running a nice stable monarchy for centuries. How does one manage to run a country so smoothly?"

"That`s easy," she replied, "You surround yourself with intelligent ministers and advisors."

"But how can I tell whether they are intelligent or not?" he inquired.

"You ask them a riddle," she replied, and with that she pressed a button and said, "Would you please send Tony Blair in."

When Blair arrived, the Queen said, "I have a riddle for you to answer for me. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child ?"

Blair replied, "That`s easy. The child was me."

"Very good," said the Queen, "You may go, now."

So President Bush went back to Washington and called in his chief of staff, Karl Rove. He said to him, "I have a riddle for you, and the answer is very important. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child ?"

Rove replied, "Yes, it is clearly very important that we determine the answer, as no child must be left behind. Can I deliberate on this for a while?"

"Yes," said Bush, "I'll give you four hours to come up with the answer."

So Rove went and called a meeting of the White House Staff, and asked them the riddle. But after much discussion and many suggestions, none of them had a satisfactory answer. So he was quite upset, not knowing what he would tell the President.

As Rove was walking back to the Oval Office, he saw former Secretary of State Colin Powell approaching him. So he said, "Mr. Secretary, can you answer this riddle for me. Your parents had a child and it was not your
sister and it was not your brother. Who was the child?"

"That's easy," said Powell, "The child was me."

"Oh thank you," said Rove, "You may just have saved me my job!"

So Rove went in to the Oval Office and said to President Bush, "I think I know the answer to your riddle. The child was Colin Powell!"

"No, you idiot!" shouted Bush, "The child was Tony Blair!"

(Thanks to Arden Kirkman)

* * *

CHICKEN HAWK WAR CRIMINALS

Back in the 1960s, long before Dick "Chicken Hawk" Cheney became a 9/11 war criminal, he was a draft-dodging dropout at the University of Wisconsin.

One day Cheney was trotting down Mifflin Street and saw a nun standing there. Out of breath he asked, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes. I'll explain why later."

The nun agreed.

Just a moment later two draft board enforcers came running along and asked, "Sister, have you seen a draft-dodger running by here?"

The nun replied, "He went that way."

After the MP's disappeared, Cheney crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see I don't want to go to Vietnam. I have other priorities."

The nun said, "I think I can fully understand your fear."

Cheney added, "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you have a great pair of legs!"

The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls....I don't want to go to Vietnam either." 

(Thanks to Mia Hamel)

WALKING EAGLE 

Invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation last weekend in Arizona, President Bush spoke for almost an hour of his future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living.

Though vague on the details of his plan, he appeared enthusiastic about his ideas for helping his "red brothers."

At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented the President with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name -- 'Walking Eagle'.

As the President departed waving to the crowd in his motorcade, a news reporter asked the group of chiefs how they came to select the new name given to the President.  

They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.

Stamp Revolt

Scientists Discover New Element

The densest element known to science has just been discovered. The new element has been named "Bushcronium".

Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 824 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 911.

These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles
called peons. The symbol for Bushcronium is "W."

Bushcronium's mass actually increases over time, as these morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons in a Bushcronium molecule, forming a large cluster of idiotopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed whenever morons reach a critical mass also known as "Critical Morass."

 When catalyzed with money, Bushcronium activates Foxnewsium, an element radiating several orders of magnitude more energy, mostly as incoherent noise, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

* * *
The First Politician

An archaeological team, digging in Washington DC has uncovered 10,000 year-old bones and fossil remains of what is believed to be the first Politician...

NB: Be advised this assumption is inconclusive, and debate on the actual origins of this sensational find is ongoing. What appears to be fairly compelling evidence has emerged, which indicates this extraordinary discovery could bear direct genetic lineage to a sub-group of homo sapiens currently masquerading as members of NIST's "engineering" team.

However, even this argument is seriously counterpoised by another group of experts who insist this isn't a photograph of a fossil at all, but rather a recent x-ray image of official "Pet Goat" narrator Dubya. The clear evidence of a surgical lobotomy only adds to the credence of this line of conjecture. Stay tuned...

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