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Truth is our Trench

 .... is So Funny I Forgot to Laugh

“I can prove it to you watch the rotation
The Joke’s On Us!
It all adds up to a funky situation
So get up get, get get down
911 is a joke in yo town
Get up, get, get, get down
Late 911 wears the late crown

911 is a joke”

—Public Enemy, “911 is a Joke”


David Griffin is better known for lucid analysis than snappy lines. But he’s capable of mordant wit: “I was not surprised that The 9/11 Commission Report was nominated for the National Book Award. The surprising part was that it was in the non-fiction category.”

The Zelikow Commission’s magnum opus, as so many reviewers noticed, reads like a suspense novel. But to those of us who have researched the facts of 9/11, it reads less like a novel than like a long, tired, drawn-out, cruel joke.

Nobody, least of all our cynical late-night comedians, could miss the fact that the 9/11 Commission was a sham. It took HOW long—more than 400 days—to even start the “investigation”?! It got HOW MUCH less money than the Space Shuttle disaster investigation?! You want KISSINGER to head this “Commission” ?! Neither Bush nor Cheney will testify under oath!? Nor in public??!? And they’re appearing TOGETHER?!??!? The Report doesn’t even MENTION the collapse of the 47-story WTC-7 ??!?!?! Or Larry Silverstein’s confession that he demolished it—for a 6 billion dollar profit on a two-month investment!?!?!?!?!?!?! AHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHHA! OHMYGOD, MY SIDES ARE SPLITTING!!!

Back in the relatively peaceful and prosperous 1990s, when Public Enemy wrote the lines “It all adds up to a funky situation...late 911 wears the late crown” they were talking about slow police response to emergencies in the ghetto. But if you think the cops are late responding to 911 calls, you should see the Air Force sitting around for two hours on 9/11 while multiple hijackings and plane-into-building attacks are going on. Public Enemy presciently summed it up perfectly: Late 911 wears the late crown—911 is a joke.

So if 911 is a joke, which late-night 911 comic “wears the late crown” as king of 911 comedy? None of them, unfortunately. They’re all a bunch of emasculated court jesters—eunuchs and fools distracting the masses on behalf of their imperial overlords.

Did you hear the one about the government that murdered almost 3,000 of its citizens to start a war?

The joke, my friends, is on us. But the audience at the treason trials and public hangings will get the last laugh. It took the Chilean people more than 30 years to nail Pinochet for war crimes—and those were a drop in the bucket compared to this. 9/11 is such a spectacular and obvious case of high treason that we may well see the most prominent culprits hanged within a decade. Chuckle, chortle, smirk.

Late-Night Jokes About National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice and the 9/11 Commission from http://politicalhumor.about.com

"Condoleezza Rice gave her big testimony yesterday before the 9/11 commission. She said one of her big ambitions in life is to become the commissioner of the National Football League. And yesterday she demonstrated her ability to perform the end around, the double reverse and the prevent defense." —Jay Leno

(Lying to cover up the government’s murder of thousands of Americans—just like the coach diagrammed it on the blackboard!)

"Condoleezza Rice testified this morning before the 9/11 commission. Or as they're calling it in Washington — 'The Passion of the Rice'. ... She did a great job. It is not easy raising your right hand while you're trying to cover your ass at the same time." —Jay Leno

(So conspiring to cover up mass murder and high treason is just like playing Twister. Cute image.)

"President Bush says he is looking forward to the testimony of Condoleezza Rice. Yes, he is very excited about Condoleezza Rice's testimony before Congress. Well, it makes perfect sense — he wants to know what was going on, too." —David Letterman

(The “incompetence theory” may not explain the Air Force’s two-hour stand-down on 9/11, but it may explain Bush. As in, why Cheney picked him to be the front man. With a President like this, the notion that the US government and military is utterly and completely incompetent can be made to look plausible.)

"Condoleezza Rice has been rehearsing for her appearance this week before the 9/11 commission. They say she has been practicing her answers by having her aides ask her questions. Wouldn't it be easier just to tell the truth? Then you wouldn't have to remember the answer." —Jay Leno

(Leno and his audience are tittering about the obvious fact that Rice lied through her teeth about 9/11. Nervous, frightened little chuckles.)

"President Bush has reversed himself and decided to allow Condoleezza Rice to publicly testify before the 9/11 commission under oath. It was a little dicey for awhile because White House lawyers told Bush that they didn't want to set a dangerous precedent. Bush said 'Hey I'm the precedent, I'll decide what's dangerous around here.'" —Jay Leno

(Again, the incompetence theory. It’s SO-O-O funny to have a president who’s dumber than dirt.)

"Not only will Condoleezza Rice testify, but President Bush has also agreed to meet with the (9/11) commission. He's going to testify, but he said he wants have Dick Cheney there with him. Why does he want Cheney with him? What? Does he have a learner's permit to be president and have to have an adult with him." —Jay Leno

(Bush and Cheney spoke to the Commission together, in private, off the record, not under oath, etc. so they could keep their story straight—and so in case they couldn’t, no harm would be done. Jokes like this gloss over the fact that these two criminals murdered thousands of Americans to start a war, and have been lying through their teeth ever since. The audience chortles at the image of poor, dumb Georgie being led around by a grown-up, Dick Cheney—when what is obviously at issue here is high treason.)

"They are grilling Rice and boy is she steamed. ... This White House is nothing if not clever. They said they will allow Condoleezza Rice to testify, and they want her to do it on TV, but it has to be on UPN, the night NBC has the final episode of 'Friends." —Jay Leno

(More nervous, frightened titters.)

"They say that Saddam is stonewalling, he's refusing to talk, he's not giving out any information. No, wait a minute, that's Condoleezza Rice." —David Letterman

(Now we know that Saddam was telling the truth, while the Bush Administration blew up the World Trade Center and kept right on lying till they got their illegal nazi-style wars of aggression...and Saddam is the one who’s on trial? Hilarious, isn’t it?)

"Condoleezza Rice was on every network morning show today blaming this whole mess on 'flawed intelligence.' Afterward the president took her into his office and said, 'You weren't talking about me were you?'" —Bill Maher

(No, Bill, she was talking about the American people, whose idiocy, gullibility, and craven cowardice apparently know no bounds. Ladies and gentlemen, THE JOKE’S ON US.)